my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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