im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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