i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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