I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
