I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
