you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
