3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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