like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
