I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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