My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
