Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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