The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize