Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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