I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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