he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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