Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
