Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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