Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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