So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
