i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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