I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize