Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I don't deserve a penis
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
