I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
