I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
