there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
