How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
