remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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