im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Randomize