My sheets look like a crime scene.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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