Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
