I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
