guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
i've created a new STD.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
