wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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