I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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