I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
