I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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