saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
