from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
