they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
