I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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