I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
