I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i will never coherently bang her
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
