Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
