im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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