Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
