I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
