i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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