even my farts smell like vagina
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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