i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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