This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
