the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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