This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
