Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
