he referred to my room as the tit cave...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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