If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
