i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
