hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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