I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
