I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
