Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
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