brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
