my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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