My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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