I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
