i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
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