Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
