I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
