I want to have your abortion
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
