just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
