I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
