It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
