Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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