It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
