I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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