I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
