Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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