you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
