i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
