Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
