Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
