if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
