That's when you crack a 10am beer
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
