She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
