Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
