NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
