so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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