You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
